What the devil intended for evil, God turns around for good.

I feel like there are so many times (too numerous to keep track of) that I realize something that I remember realizing weeks ago, months ago, even years ago.

Today was one of those times.

I was in church service just really enjoying the worship and what God was doing in that time, when it dawned on me..

I have wanted, for the longest time it would seem, to have the right guy in my life (for my future spouse). It seems like I've had to 'wait' for a long time.. so I would think that I would be able to really appreciate this man (whoever he is) when I was found by him. BUT... after going through what I've gone through this past year with the rough relationship and calling off the engagement to a guy who treated me quite poorly... I truly feel as though I will be able to appreciate it even that much MORE.

Sometimes we go through things - whether self-imposed or whatnot - that we do not understand at the time... but God has a divine plan in everything.

I'm honestly at this amazing place in my life now. I'm learning to truly forgive myself for getting involved in something so far from God's best for my life in the area of relationships. I'm gaining a new respect for my parents who are two very amazing and special people to me. I am growing deeper spiritually than I have in a very long time.. it's refreshing and very strong. God is showing His love to me in ways I need.. I've had so many great times in reflection lately.. and I love it. :) I honestly am back to being me... and I haven't felt like this in over a year, I'd say. I'm laughing and truly just enjoying life. I feel so lucky.

So, I'm determined to let God have His way in this area. I will not settle for anything less than what He has for me.. because I've seen what that is like, and it's not pretty. At all.

And I really will be able to appreciate it in an even deeper level than I could have before all this heartache.

God satisfies.

"Open wide your mouth and I will fill it."

- Ps. 81:10

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God satisfies.

I know that people say only God can truly satisfy.
But I think I'm finally grasping the depth of this truth.

All of God for all of us.

"His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness.." - 2 Pet. 1:13

".. asking God to fill you with the knowledge of His will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding." - Col. 1:9

"May the Lord direct your hearts into God's love and Christ's perseverance." - 2 Thess. 3:5

".. never tire of doing what is right." - 2 Thess. 3:13

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People will let us down.. because we, as humans, come up short at times.
It's not that people intentionally plan to do this, but sometimes, it happens.. because they are not God - who is the only One who can truly meet all our needs all the time.
Even spouses will let the other down.. which is why it is important to understand grace with each other.. and to look to God for fulfillment.

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God is always wanting to fill us with greater truth - but it is up to us to receive it.

Trust... or the lack there of

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and He will direct your paths."

- Proverbs 3:5-6

I went to Six Flags this weekend with my friend Sarah from ISU & her twin sister. We had a lot of fun. :) On the way up, I was reflecting on life and how I've allowed certain things to happen and such.. and I remembered this verse.

I know this verse very well.. but while I was driving I realized that this is the source for a lot of where I've tripped along the path. I know that I have an issue with trust.. but it really stems back to the lack of trust I have that God is in control and that He will guide my every step as I delight myself in Him. I know that I've realized this before and wondered why I would ever doubt the Maker of all things.. but it's just good to realize it again, I guess.

I have so much ahead of me, which make me excited. I look back on some decisions I have made and I know that I have made mistakes. So, instead of wallowing in the mistakes, I'm going to just keep my eyes focused on the future and really focus and practice on trusting God.

Because.. really.. that's the key to life.

Chapter 26 begins now..

At the ripe age of 26, I begin a new chapter in my life.

I was just engaged but called things off, just this past weekend.

I realized that I need to be treated better and that I deserve so much better than what I was with.

I honestly know in my heart that it is the right thing to do. I have been so much happier since, too.

The small things in life make me smile again.

I feel relieved and lucky to have been given another chance at this.

Give.

I think the secret to a successful relationship really boils down to this word. It's a verb.. which means you have to do something.

As we allow ourselves to see the things that we need to tweak, we give back to our "significant other." We, in fact, are saying, "hey, I know that I need to do this.. and even though it's hard, I will do it."

I need to give more.

I see the areas I need to change and where I need to grow - and instead of only realizing it, I need to act on that.

Keep On Keeping On.

Ready.

Set.

Jump.

Life is a funny thing.

Recently there have been a few things that have happened that have shown the humanity of things to me.

My dad was in the hospital a couple weeks ago because he thought he was possibly having symptoms of a heart-attack. Come to find out, he just needed to be taking his blood pressure medication. My mom's friend was given life-changing news about her pregnancy and ended up giving birth the next day in the hospital to her 14 week old baby (still-born).

Sometimes life seems to just race past you. You blink and it seems you've over-looked an entire year. Eternity is something I have come to realize I really have no understanding of. I remember learning as a little girl about either living eternally in heaven or in hell. Whenever I let my mind wander to thinking of that definition, I just lose myself for a moment. We really have no true concept of what that means. Everything on earth as we know it is so defined that things beyond this world (the spiritual realm) is not something that all of us can have a clear grasp on. But, whether we like it or not, we each choose to give God a chance or to just say, "hey, maybe later huh?" Life is pretty amazing to me. I'm glad that I've had the opportunity to be exposed to all aspects - the radically spiritual and the apathetic response to the knock on the heart's door. I've chosen for myself. And we all choose. I'm going to keep on keeping on, that's for sure.

To acknowledge my last post, I appreciate Carrie's comment. I don't even know who reads this or who knows about this.. but that was pretty nice to come to. :)
Things are better in that arena. I am still a bit annoyed about some things, but some things are clearing up. So things are on the up and up. Thankfully.

Revelations..

I just celebrated a year with my fiance.

And, honestly, I have learned so much this past year..... about myself & him, about my family and my friends, and just life in general.

There has been a lot of stuff that has happened between my fiance and I.. we've been faced with a whole lot of challenges. Behaviors that I never knew I had came out quite boldly.. things that I am not proud of... things that he has done that is not proud of.

I'm such an honest person. Now, there's absolutely nothing wrong with honesty of course.. but I tend to vomit my life up to others quite freely. A stranger may stand next to me in line for some Starbucks and I just begin my self-exposed story. Ok.. not really. But it might as well be that scenario.

Needless to say, the majority of my "friends" and my family now feel that I am wrong for being with my fiance. I respect their concern... but I just need their respect. Am I alone in this? Does everyone else get respect and I just got the short end of the stick? I'm not trying to be impossible here, I'm just sincerely curious.

I feel like I'm on edge constantly. I feel like I have to defend myself constantly. But all I really need to do is not care as much about other peoples' opinions and comments. I need to be like the guy in the photograph and just walk on my hands down the sidewalk as if to say, "Take that." :)

I feel the need to write because I'm honestly really fed-up with the way my family has treated me throughout this whole thing. I have an older brother and a younger sister. That's right, the middle child. "Well that explains a lot." Gee.. thanks. ;)

But I feel like I've had to try to prove myself throughout my entire life. I was never "good enough" to play with the boys like my sister, who used to be a tom-boy. I went to college and graduated only to find that it still wasn't enough to my parents (mainly my dad). I feel like I have accomplished a lot with my life so far. But.. then this whole thing happened with my fiance & I. At first, my family was happy for me... and then stuff happened and they began to show a huge lack of respect for me. They still treat me like I'm in high school. My older brother now has a girlfriend (who is seriously so great for him.. I'm really happy for them) - and my parents adore their relationship. It's makes me so sad.. and angry. They rub it in my face a lot.

My parents were going to be paying for our wedding and now they're not. And my dad went as far as telling me that my fiance is never welcomed in our house. It's really just ridiculous.

On top of all of this, I have my supervisor at work giving me the hardest time about things. It's almost to the point of harrassment. Ok, it is harrassment. I mean, I came in one day and he asked what the ring was doing on my finger.

I guess I just need to get this off my chest. I'm old enough to make my own adult decisions. And I've been making good decisions for the past 10 years or so.

I just want people to respect me. Period.

Is that asking too much?!

Hello

Well.. I used to have one of these and then just stopped using it.
But I think this could be a very good option for an online outlet.
We shall see. :)
Thus begins my new blogger..