Where are you going?

Like - right now - in this moment.
What is driving you.... your heart.... your thoughts... your life?
We all go through times in this life where we may not be in our most proud place.
But - look around - you are not alone.  So, brush yourself off and get a move on. :)

I haven't written in my blog in quite some time so I thought I'd put something out there that I have been "working on" for a little while.  Enjoy...!

When did it happen?

Growing up, I faced the usual challenges.. the awkward phases required while one stretches & figures one's way throughout these 24-hour days, we know as life.  The usual backdrop... the average number of difficulties made more manageable by the highlights of breakthrough joys, happy moments, safe havens, kindness showered by those held closest & with highest regard.  Days juggle between good & bad, average & mundane, mondays & every other.  The innocent & half-blinded outlook on life becomes watered down.  It finds itself as a boat on the sea with dangerous waves trying to overtake it... & sometimes that boat isn't able to withstand such a fight.  Though it try & try to stay afloat.  The little girl once known as wide-eyed & full of wonder has transformed into a young woman whose eyesight has narrowed through life experiences - a sense of wonder still lives in that heart, though not as full as before.  A sense of generosity remains, though is held at bay a bit more - due to a stronger sense of self-protection and self-awareness.  A stronger sense of kindness has been birthed, due to the lack of kindness shown throughout the more recent years.

 

 

Forgiveness & love.

I truly enjoy writing.


There is something about getting your ideas out of your head that is very freeing.. and, perhaps, unless you are a writer you may not understand the depth found there.

But then again, aren't we all writers and poets? We are all going through this world with our own worldviews, taking in the moments.. the scenery.. the experiences.. and are writing novels every single day.

--

I was writing in my notebook the other week when I was getting my oil changed for my car and feel that these are thoughts I would like to share. I'm writing a book... though it is sporadically that I actually add to that - and, quite frankly, who knows when that may be finished. :)


(Jan. 2, 2010)

Forgiveness.

Possibly one of the most beautiful acts. There is no one in this life who doesn't love receiving forgiveness. Giving it is quite another feeling. It can be one of the most difficult things one does in life and yet it is very freeing. Not only does the one giving the forgiveness get freedom, but also the one who receives it. You can feel such a sense of love in it and through it. You can say, "I love you," and the one you are telling will surely feel a sense of love, but show forgiveness and that kind of love is so evident and deeper than any spoken word.


Love.

At a very young age, we are exposed to this concept of love. As babies, our parents (and quite inexplicably more - our mother) show us love. The media portrays love quite boldly - forcing any youth who is exposed to it to gain knowledge (however skewed). As a result, the youth today are growing up far more quickly than when - for example - I was a youth. As a result - naturally - desire forms early to experience this love that it seems everyone shares.
Relationships are jumped into. Innocence - which should be so treasured - is lost. Love is cheapened - to the extent that it cannot be as treasured as it first was. Words become cheap, but the need to hear them still remains.


---

I just celebrated my #28 birthday.
Birthdays are so great, aren't they? You can't help but feel so spoiled with everyone wishing you well, giving you presents, doing things for you. :)

Life is pretty great. You never know what's around the bend, but I do know that I'm grateful for everything and everyone in my life.

Thank you, God, for all of it - for the truth and for enjoying this life while we are here.

One step closer.

"Who is stirring up my passion

Who is rising up in me

Who is filling up my hunger

With everything I need."

- Vineyard

So, a few highlights to write down.

IHOP was at my church this past weekend and it was truly a very blessed time.

They had worship/prayer going on all day.. so I was in there for several hours.

Then, they also had prophetic/healing appointments you could make.. so I made a prophetic appt. with my mom.. and let's just say, God totally blessed both of us. :)

They give you a tape of everything that they say to you.. so I'm planning on listening to it periodically, so I am reminded of what was said to me.

In other news..

A very exciting thing happened yesterday.. and I truly am one step closer now.

I was able to sell my engagement ring & female wedding band (and I have already sold the male wedding band to an antique store to have it melted down for the white gold).

I cannot express my joy in truly having them 'off my hand' (but not out of my checkbook... I'm still paying on them).. but praise God for allowing me to get them out of my hands. :) yay!!!

My brother is getting married in 2 1/2 weeks (May 23rd).

I'm so excited & happy for him.. and her. :) They are definitely very good for each other.

I love it.

I love the ways that God works.

I love how dependable He is - He promises to give good gifts to His children (Mt. 7:11).

I love how God knows my heart and the desires that lie there (Ps. 37:4).

I love that God's love is better than life itself (Ps. 63:3).

I love that God truly works all things together for good (Rom. 8:28).

I love that God knows each person so intimately and has made each of us so intricately.

The trials, the battles, the joys, the hurts, the truth to each of us - it is not hidden from Him.

***

In worship tonight, I was reminded that if we, as Christ-followers, truly got it - we would totally change this world. If we truly allowed God to be the first love in our lives - He would shine through. It would be evident that God's hand is upon us - because we would not allow the tricks of the enemy to steal what God has for us. We would truly love each other in the Lord and would encourage each other on.

Another thing that I was reminded of ties into the song "Breathe." The verse goes, "this is the air I breathe.." If we truly lived like we needed God more than our next breath.... wow. You couldn't be held back. I couldn't get caught up in the weights of this world (Heb. 12:1). It just could not happen.. because I wouldn't even desire any of that garbage. It wouldn't even appeal to me, not even for the momentary 'pleasure.'

There's a worship song that I've been singing lately and part of it goes: "Wonderful, beautiful, glorious, matchless in every way" ("Here In Your presence" - New Life worship). That's my Lord. That's my Creator. My Savior. My Source. My Portion. My Truth. Oh that I wouldn't lose sight of who God is..!

On a sidenote.... I am giving 6 months devoted to not seeking a relationship with a guy. I decided at the beginning of January, partially due to the end of a relationship but mostly what God has placed on my heart, to give time to the Lord.. and not sway from that. It's been an amazing 4 months.. it really has. I see God's hand on this and I pray that continues and that His will is fulfilled through this. I just want God's best.. I want God's will.. more than anything. I really do. I know what settling for less than God's best looks like, and I do not want it. I was watching the movie "No Reservations" tonight.. and I started sobbing. My mom shared with me that she has started crying when the sister dies and leaves the daughter behind. But I was sobbing in the part where the two main characters begin to have a relationship and everything is so right-on.. it's like things are just as they should be and it's so obvious to the observer than they belong together and that they compliment each other perfectly. I felt it deep in my heart. That is what I long for. It's what I've wanted for what seems like far too long... but I can wait. I must and I am. :)

Restoration

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7LcyQOLVS_U

Please checkout this song on You Tube.
It was written by Clay Edwards and sung by David Brymer (and Misty Edwards).


There is a gathering called "The Garage" in the area that meets every friday night.
It's a group of people that come together from all sorts of backgrounds and churches.
It's a fairly small number usually... but what God does in those meetings is nothing small.
I've only gone a handful of times so far (my 'new' job has kept me from going a lot because I've had to work a lot of friday nights)... but one thing for sure, God moves there.
Last night the worship leader (which changes every week... and I may be able to play sometime soon) led this song "Restoration." I had never heard it before.


As we sang, I felt so much power in this song.
Some songs have that strength to them. During worship, God can really do a lot in us.. if we let Him.
So I just wanted to share this incredible song. Please listen to it and make it your prayer.


Because God does restore us.

Living intentionally

Cool Hand Luke is a pretty great band.

Definitely worth checking out.

Their lyrics have a lot of depth.

It's refreshing and challenging.

Recently, I rediscovered how much I enjoyed them.

I was making a mix cd for my friend Emily.. and couldn't help but remember the time I saw them in concert in Lincoln, IL.

I remember the singer sharing this scripture verse and it just really impacted me.

I was going to ISU at the time and used this verse as a backbone for the worship team I led the next year.

"I said to the Lord, 'You are my Lord; apart from You I have no good thing.'"

- Psalm 16:2

Whenever I hear a song of theirs, I can't help but be reminded of this verse.

Music has that great attribute.

It brings back a memory a lot of the time. :)

When God is really the only thing good to us, we can't help but desire to be filled with more of Him.

It's pretty basic.

And yet... so many times... we forget that truth, or we get distracted.

We begin to focus on others or ourselves.

I feel like God is doing so much in my life.... and I can't help but be excited.

I'm living intentionally.

Again.

Grace pays the bill.

I want to jot down some truths about grace here.

I've been re-reading "Velvet Elvis" (for the third time).

And I'm getting a lot out of it.

Perhaps it's because I'm looking for it... and I know that there are profound truths that I need to truly be reminded of - or even exposed to.

I wanted to share a bit of chapter six here.

".. God makes us in His image. We reflect beauty and creativity and wonder of the God who made us. And Jesus calls us to return to our true selves. The pure, whole people God originally intended us to be, before we veered off course.

Somewhere in you is the you whom you were made to be.

We need you to be you.

We don't need a second anyone. We need the first you.

The problem is that the image of God is deeply scarred in each of us, and we lose trust in God's version of our story. It seems too good to be true. And so we go searching for identity. We achieve and we push and we perform and we shop and we work out and we accomplish great things, longing to repair the image. Longing to find an identity that feels right.

Longing to be comfortable in our own skin.

But the thing we are searching for is not somewhere else. It is right here. And we can only find it when we give up the search, when we surrender, when we trust. Trust that God is already putting us back together.

Trust that through dying to the old, the new can give birth.

Trust that Jesus can repair the scarred and broken image.

It is trusting that I am loved. That I always have been. That I always will be. I don't have to do anything. I don't have to prove anything or achieve anything or accomplish one more thing. That exactly as I am, I am totally accepted, forgiven, and there is nothing I could ever do to lose this acceptance.

... We need you to embrace your true identity, who you are in Christ, letting this new awareness transform your life (p. 150, 151). "

Rob Bell then shares about an experience at a restaurant. He was having breakfast with his son and father.. and their meal ended up getting paid for by someone else.

The profound depth to this analogy really hit home with me.

He says that he felt helpless.. and that to insist on paying would be pointless. Accepting that what the waitress said was true meant to either live like it was true or create his own reality in which the bill wasn't paid. The chapter ends with this: To trust that grace pays the bill.

I'm learning to truly walk in the freedom that has already been bought for me through the cross. All victory is mine through Christ. All authority is mine in Christ. I'm learning that it truly is only by grace that I am saved. With all my faults, He loves me still. He is doing a good work in me, if I allow that work to be done.

The things of God are really what matter.

I'm not saying to be out of touch with life here.. "being a Christian is not cutting yourself off from real life; it is entering into it more fully (p. 91)." If I am truly keeping my heart soft to God and truly seeking Him, I will hear His voice. And He is always speaking. Somehow. Through so many things. At so many times.

"Do you really think God's voice is more interesting than the voices that surround you?"

- Rob Bell